Friday, September 2, 2016

Dreading it... another update



Okay, I have been given my classroom back. This should be considered good news. However, I have a mixture of feelings about it. I feel like I have been moved around a lot, or perhaps not necessarily moved around a lot but there has been inconsistencies in my time at work.

I was really hoping to stay where I was placed after I was removed from the class. My heart was set on it, it was a year of very little stress and I really grew to enjoy work a lot more than I was and I loved the two ladies I was working with.

Then my boss calls me, at first I did not accept it but then I did. I felt I had to but now I’m worried that because I am not happy, excited, or in any way looking forward to it I might mess up… My heart does not seem in it like it was the other years I was in that class. Instead I am filled with nervousness and a little bit of dread. I am hoping this is only temporarily and that those feelings will be replaced with good thoughts.

I pray to mother earth to help me through this, to help my mind be at ease, and most of all to help me find that place where I will truly be happy.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

let's catch up

wow, it's been eight months since i've last updated my blog. there is lots that happened since then.
one thing that didn't happen was my laptop being fixed. as you can see from my lack of capitalization on letters, my shift key still doesn't work.

in november of last year we had to move out of our small studio apartment. we were given notices and i still was unable to find what i wanted so i had to go on to my mom's house. i stayed there til about late march when i was able to find a tiny house and share the living expenses with my dad. i pay most of the rent, but that's ok.

as a result of us moving in with my dad my mom has stopped speaking to me. they have been separated for a couple of years maybe three years, and she doesn't want anything to do with my dad or anyone who is still in contact with him. she was angry at me that i still talked to him when i wasn't living with him. and now that i am actually living with him she is even more angry and now doesn't speak to me. there is so much more behind this and i really don't think i need to get into. the main thing is that she isn't speaking to me and i am unsure about what i am going to be doing about my son's summer. well that's that.

aside from the above, we have adjusted to our new home and are pretty comfortable. we still lack some furniture, like chest drawers and a sofa, but at least we have a kitchen table with chairs, and our bed for sleeping. it is nice, but a great challenge finding a place for some things, and for me the biggest thing is how to arrange things and what to put on the wall. we have no storage space whatsoever aside from our small closet, so that is something i really have to figure out how to do. i get ideas from the internet but i still don't know how to implement those ideas into my place.

i have been having the urge to write, and i don't mean write like here in the blog, though i like that, i mean write stories. i am lacking the motivation and drive to just do it. i need to just sit down and do it. what is stopping me. instead of playing a game on my phone or watch tv, i need to sit down and just do it. like that nike motto; just do it.

i really need to get that shift key fixed. i cant even write numbers or question marks.