Sunday, March 8, 2015

Very unhappy...

There is so much going on in my head, I wish I could run away sometimes. Leave it all behind, and just run and start someplace new.

Life is difficult. Bearable, but difficult. Livable, but difficult.

I wish I could just simply stop and be happy. Be happy with what I have. Be happy with myself. I feel so lost.
My life's meaning revolves around being a mother. I don't like that. Don't get me wrong, I love my son. But I think I'm thinking of myself as a mother and not as a person who lives for herself. I live for my son, but I wish I would live for myself too. I am probably doing a disservice to my son simply by not being happy with myself.
I go through these periods of depression. On and off, on and off. Lately they have been frequently, and lengthy. I'll go a whole week crying to myself before I sleep, or silently holding tears on the bus. I feel a painful lump on my neck, my throat (figurative speaking). I know that it means I need to express myself and let it out.
Anything right now will make me cry, even maybe argue.