Saturday, January 31, 2015

Okay, I started another blog but I just now decided to get rid of it. Really, why do I need two blogs? I will use this one like always and simply incorporate what I would have in the other one. I'm use to this blog, I like this blog. I'm keeping this one, so I'll post the other posts in here and delete the other ones. Heads up.

This issue of getting rid of facebook...

So, as you know I did not delete my Facebook account but I just didn't log in. Unfortunately I had to log back in because my dad told me my aunts were trying to add me as a friend and I wasn't adding them. Okay. So, this will be a little difficult.

I don't know my aunts and cousins, I've never met them, and I wouldn't mind getting to know them. I don't know many relatives from my dad's side. Now I decided to check in every couple of weeks. I unfriended people I don't talk to anymore. I unfollowed those that I still talk to but I don't feel I need to know every single thing they are doing. Sometimes seeing what they are doing makes me compare myself to them. I hate that. Okay, so that's that.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Facebook free (9 days)

Since my update on the eleventh I've logged off Facebook. I haven't updated or even checked it. Feels good, what have I done instead? I've been reading two blogs, aside from blogger blogs. One is a blog that gives tips on living minimally, and another is a blog that posts stories, real life stories, life changing stories. I like them.

I have just boarded the airplane and am on my way home. I brought along a book by Fitzgerald, and the pocket in the back of the seat in front of me has a complementary airline magazine with three sudoku puzzles. Easy, medium, difficult.

I can't wait to see my son, missed him lots.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Something needs to change

I feel a need to change something.

I'm stressed at work, and I don't know if that's because my boss is giving us more things to do, or because I just don't know how to handle the extra work. I will say I can be very unorganized, and it takes me a while to adjust to things. I been feeling bummed with work a lot. Too often I feel stressed, and left to handle situations I feel incapable of handling without help. When I do ask my boss for suggestions, feedback, or even just permission for whatever, she beats around the bush. I am left wondering: was that a positive or negative feedback? was that a yes or a no? Then I feel too stupid to ask again. I know I am not the only one with this feeling: a lot of the staff feels the same way: our boss isn't very direct, and they too are left uncertain of her comment/response/suggestion/whatever.

Perhaps it's time to look for another job?
I'm wondering whether I should stay in this field or just simply do something else entirely: whatever pay it will be. Just to refresh my mind? I don't know. I'm just not feeling very happy these days/weeks/months. Something needs to change, but I am uncertain of what that something is. Is it the job? The commute to my job and my son's school? The living space? Is it time spent with my son? time spend for myself?
Am I not happy with what I have? Perhaps unhappy with myself?

I don't know.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


I haven't done much of what I said I wanted to do since my last post.
I haven't been reading and writing more, or spending less time on facebook.
I haven't been cooking, or cutting back on eating out.
I haven't been exercising. I have cut back on television though that might have to do with my going back to work last Monday.

I'm going out of town Thursday night, and my son will be spending a few days at his dads. He doesn't like his dad taking him to school (which he will for two days: Friday morning and Tuesday morning). I think there are two reasons: one is that he fears his dad won't know what time he has to be there, that he will be late, my son is very rigid about that sort of thing (he likes to be there at the same time he always is, not too early, not late. Usually it's when the kids are in line. Even so, he asks me at every single drop off: " Do I go to line or to my classroom?" He gets very nervous about this. He likes to go to line and go into the class when the teacher picks them up, but sometimes we are running late and the teacher is already walking inside the classroom. One time he almost cried because he didn't know where to go, I tell him every single day that if he doesn't know to just go to the line area and if none of his classmates are there anymore then that means they are in class. He won't get lost.); the second reason is because his dad always packs him lunchables, which I know he likes, but I don't think that fills him the way say a peanut butter sandwich, celery, and strawberries will. Those lunchables have five crackers, five small slices of ham and cheese. To substitute veggies and strawberries are a couple of cookies and a fruit drink. His dad won't make him a lunch.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

More, and less

Okay, so I've been thinking of things that I need to do more and less of. These things are a huge factor in how I'm spending my time. I need to prioritize and organize, and I need to truly base it on the way it makes me feel, after thinking about all this; it all has to do with being mentally, and physically healthy.

More: Reading and writing. I love the feeling I get when relating to a character in a good story, whether it'd be fictional or nonfictional. It makes me feel, well not alone. Another plus in this: an increase in my writing skills. I will add reading blogs too, but majority might be books.
Less: Facebook. After reading someone's blog who says he will completely turn off his account, it got me thinking. I feel alone and depressed most of the time and Facebook makes a huge contribution in me having these feelings, and often times it makes it worse. I see what people are doing and that's all. Most are acquaintances, or old kind of long lost friends. I'd much rather read a personal blog and comment there than read a sentence and like (not that I don't do it, cause I do). I do have a few family members in there though.

More: Cooking. This past couple of months I've fallen behind on cooking even simple meals. I need to make sure I get my hands on some cooking books. They must be healthy. Healthy eating is a big thing for me because I want to provide healthy eating habits for my son to carry on into adult hood.
Less: Eating out. I use to take snacks to the park when we'd go, and wouldn't buy unhealthy ones that people would sell there. My son didn't even ask me to buy him the chips or cotton candy. Now? I've fallen back in this and he has gotten into a habit of asking me for something every single time we go. I'll save some money by falling back on eating out.

More: Excising. Whether it'd be through an activity or just plain ol' working out. To me exercising would not be about loosing weight, I know a lot of people think: "Oh you want to loose weight? But you don't need to loose weight". No. To me it's not about loosing weight. I know I don't need to loose weight, and I don't want to loose weight. My goal is to gain some muscle, be strong, have endurance, and not simply be physically healthy but emotionally/mentally healthy. I know physical activities have a lot do to with being emotionally and mentally healthy.  That's what I want.
Less: Television. There was a time when I would go weeks without watching but maybe an hour of television a week, if that. Now I spend all my free time watching television, and not paying attention to my son, or cooking, or reading, or doing anything productive. That has to change. Television is off on weekdays.

Now I need to organize this, maybe plan out the times and make it into a more specific goal.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Okay, new year. I started the year a little depressed I will admit. Without a special someone to kiss when everyone else was kissing was awkward.

I also spent the day watching tv, it was a full on binge. I have terrible, habit? When I do something I tend to binge, I get almost addicted, and it is very hard to stop. It can be anything: tv, books, Facebook, food, coffee. I'm glad I rarely drink, if I were to make it a regular thing, it would be awful. 

I need to stop watching tv. 

I hope everyone has a good year; stress-free, peaceful, and full of self-fulfillment.