Friday, September 11, 2015

Beauty Purge... kind of

A couple of months ago I went through another purge. This time it was a bathroom one. I didn't get rid of a lot though, since I didn't have a lot to begin with. It still felt good though, because, although I didn't have much, whatever I did have included some unnecessary things.

I had three hair brushes, one was old and dusty, the other was broken, and the last one was a small one that came in a bathroom kit my son received for Christmas. He doesn't need a hairbrush so I tossed my two away and kept his.

I threw away two nail polish, and kept one pink one. I hardly ever use nail polish, so why have them. I almost threw away the pink one but I thought I'd keep it in case there is some special event or I'm in a mood where I want to feel girly (in the last couple of months I've used the nail polish once).

I also had a container with four different color eye shadows. Do you want to know how many times I've used it since I bought it (2 years ago)? Once. So into the trash bin it went. I really don't remember why I bought it, I must have been in a girly mood. I've never been big on makeup, and that's all right with me. I think the less makeup the better. No offense to anyone who wears make up. Everybody's face is different, and everybody has different tastes, and styles. (Also, I don't like to spend more than five minutes prepping my face. I'd rather sleep or exercise)

After tossing many things I now have, on the cabinet above my sink: a face wash, hair brush, deodorant, a cocoa butter stick, homemade body scrub I use once a week, two hair bands, a few Bobby pins, and a small container with black eyeliner, a tan shimmer eye shadow pencil, lip gloss, tweezers, eyelash curler, and nail clippers. That's all.

Purging is like cleaning. It gives you that feeling of peace, and clarity. Its like a breadth of fresh air.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Redefined backpacker: reusable bottle update

I have said in a previous post that I had started carrying my traveling coffee mug and water bottle. So, update!

I did well with carrying around my coffee mug, it was on and off but when I didn't carry it and bought coffee I would have terrible guilt, that I'd make sure I carried it the next day, or I'd double think about buying it. I hate feeling like I'm contributing to the landfills. Earth needs to have less trash. Also, since I haven't been drinking coffee outside of my home and when I am outside and want something like a cold drink, I'll use the disposable one they give at whatever place I buy. I don't like that. I'll have to buy a reusable... something. I like drinking from a straw, but I don't want it to spill when I'm carrying it in my backpack. I will look for something good. 

The water bottle was great until I noticed the edge of the inside was peeling and so I threw it away. I bought another one shortly after, a stainless steel one, and it's ok. I don't like to drink the water if it was there all day, especially of there is a little left. I noticed that it starts smelling bad. I don't know if I like stainless steel. I bought it because it's better than plastic, but I don't like that it smells. Ideally I'd like glass but I honestly don't know if I can carry all that around. Its heavy. 

So, in general I feel great about this decision that has pretty much stuck for about seven months now. (I'll work on that cold drink)

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

To combat my low moods

I've been waking ten minutes earlier than my usual wake up time to do a little bit of exercise. First it started with thirty minutes, but I had to face it it was cutting too much into my morning, and I wasn't about to wake up thirty minutes earlier. Mornings are always hectic, so I chose to do only ten to fifteen minutes. It was difficult not to press the snooze button, but I've gotten the hang of it. I place my phone far from my bed and close to the bathroom, so I must get up to silence it, and since the bathroom is there I just step in there to use it and brush my teeth. And I'm awake.

It's been difficult, and I admit I go on and off this routine, but I'm not off it for more than a week, which is nothing to how it was in past years. I'll do the routine for two months then I'm off for six months. Now I've been doing it for six, that's big for me.

I've been doing this to see how it affects my moods because honestly it's been horrible. I've read that exercising is good to combat some depression because it releases endorphins. And I want to be able to feel happy, or at least have some clarity and get myself in the right direction.

So far I hadn't gotten rid of that constant low feeling until a couple of weeks ago. However, there are other things that have changed about a couple of weeks ago too, so I think all that has some part in this. One: I've been off work because the school is closed until next week and I think perhaps the lack of to dos from work helps, and since I won't have my class come fall I don't have to worry about planning. (I'm off work but that doesn't mean I get to sleep in. I must wake up at the same time because my son started school. So I'm referring here to work related stress) Two: I get to bed earlier. Not working means I get to be at home taking care of house stuff and food, so when I get home with my son I can help with homework, and have dinner without being rushed. Oh, and three:I've cut down on caffeine, I'm still drinking coffee but it's my coffee from home so I have control over how strong the coffee will be, as opposed to the coffee I'd buy at say Starbucks. I believe the coffee is a big thing because my crash isn't bad, it's not even there. I'm not tired at all by late afternoon. This could also be because of sleep though.

I guess I'd have to see if the coffee and sleep help with the tiredness once I get back to work.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

personal update

first i want to say excuse my typing. i dropped some water on my laptop, and the shift keys aren't working, so i can't capitalize letters or use exclamation marks or parenthesis and stuff like that. the caps lock works but that's going to take too much time.

in the three months- or so- of my absence;
-i've decided to NOT continue on to do librarianship or teach elementary children.
-my boss informed me that i will be removed from my small classroom of two year olds, and be placed to work with another teacher, with four year olds. so, i don't have my own classroom come fall.
-i turned thirty
-i went through another semi-purge, most of the stuff was my son's toys.
-i decided im tired of the hour and a half commute to work, like seriously tired of it that i asked my boss if she can cut my hours so i can pick up my son from school and be able to be there for him-- but really also for myself.
-i got an offer to move to other side of town to a two bedroom house and rent for as much as i'm paying now for my very tiny studio apartment. -- and it is very tempting. my hope for this is very low, so i am also thinking of looking for another job on my side of town, and an apartment.

i'm having very low esteem, i know everyone goes through difficult times, i just wish i knew how to handle this and not just plop myself into bed and hide. i don't know how to ask for help. i'm sure my cousins would help however i ask them to help, if i only did. i don't want to lay myself out to my family, that's one of the reasons why i wanted a blog, to get it out to strangers, if anybody.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Librarian or elementary school teacher?

So, I've been thinking. I want to go back to school, but I am indecisive on what I want to go back for. A children's librarian? Or elementary school teacher? I like being a preschool teacher, but I feel I want more, a little change. With my experience working in a preschool for five years, I think I would do well. I'm going to be honest. I'm leaning more towards a librarian. I will be closer to books, I have experience working with young children, and creating activities for them, and I like working with them. I've been doing some online research about what they do, and all that, but I think I need to talk a real librarian and get some input from him or her. As for the elementary school teacher, I think I am more interested because of holidays and such. I don't know how well I'll do with older kids, I'm not so well with the older kids. They will walk all over me. I can deal better I think with twos than fours even. I'm still unsure though. If I could be sure I'll be working with six or seven year olds then yes, but older than that I don't know. But I'm sure I can get use to it. I'm getting pretty stressed thinking about which is the better choice for me. But if I don't choose something soon I might just never choose, so I need to choose soon.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Two very different, yet happy, friends

Hello everybody,
Wow, long time huh. It's been over two months since I last updated my blog. That last post says it all. I've been doing a lot of thinking.

I haven't gone on facebook but for a few times to see how a couple of dear friends of mine are doing. I don't write to them, I just see how they are doing. Is that weird? I use to write a comment on one of their post every now and then but I stopped.

One of those friends never wrote back, she is a very busy girl and just graduated from Vet School. Very proud of her. She was a good friend of mine from Kindergarten, and then later in middle school. I have a mixture of feelings, I'm happy for her, but it just makes me look at my own life. I don't want to say anything about it just yet. I remember since she was very young she had a love for animals, and in middle school when anybody would ask what are you going to be when you are older? She always, ALWAYS, answered a vet. And now, here she is graduating.

The other friend doesn't have much but she seems very happy to have so many friends that help her and her daughter out. I was looking at back posts and she communicates through everybody through facebook, and rarely by phone since it's difficult to get reception where she lives: somewhere very naturey and forestry. An old post said she was on her way to l.a by train and needs someone to let her and the baby crash at their place for a week, or to take her to a motel with WiFi. Just like that, it's like that morning she said I'm going to l.a and very simply knew she could rely on her friends to help her out. She has so many friends I kid you not.
She has gone through so many downs, so many times she has been homeless, but because she has good friends (she is such a great person), she doesn't end up on the streets. A few times she did end up in her car, but not for long. Thinking of her makes me a little teary because she has such a good heart, she is the type of person inside that I strive to be. If she can be helpful she will be, and it doesn't matter where you come from, or how you look, to her everybody is beautiful. I love that. I met her some years ago in the preschool I work at now. I was there before her, and she came later, and she left the school before I did. She didn't feel that our boss treated the teachers right, including her. Yes, she's nice. Yes, she gives us bonuses. But, she does expect a lot on our part. I remember I told her one time that I wanted to find something else but I was afraid it was all the same, she said no. No, there are better places. She's been a preschool teacher, and hasn't been now since she has a baby, but will look for a job as soon as her baby is a little older.
Anyway, about her: She is true to herself. Someone once told her not to expose herself too much, but she said that if she doesn't she feels like she is not being herself. She wants everybody to see everything, to see who she is. To see how much she struggles, and how happy she is. This makes her feel true to herself.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life, but that will be for another post.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Very unhappy...

There is so much going on in my head, I wish I could run away sometimes. Leave it all behind, and just run and start someplace new.

Life is difficult. Bearable, but difficult. Livable, but difficult.

I wish I could just simply stop and be happy. Be happy with what I have. Be happy with myself. I feel so lost.
My life's meaning revolves around being a mother. I don't like that. Don't get me wrong, I love my son. But I think I'm thinking of myself as a mother and not as a person who lives for herself. I live for my son, but I wish I would live for myself too. I am probably doing a disservice to my son simply by not being happy with myself.
I go through these periods of depression. On and off, on and off. Lately they have been frequently, and lengthy. I'll go a whole week crying to myself before I sleep, or silently holding tears on the bus. I feel a painful lump on my neck, my throat (figurative speaking). I know that it means I need to express myself and let it out.
Anything right now will make me cry, even maybe argue.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

My ginger tea

My cough has been somewhat better. I'm not coughing as much but I do wake up to cough up nasty stuff. Sometimes it feels like I have something in my throat that I cant get out and I just end up vomiting from the cough. Ah well, at least I can sleep. I'll look at the bright side.

I did use vapor rub at night, and it helped some. What I have been doing though for the past couple of weeks is my ginger tea. I call it tea but my friend insists its a drink and not a tea. I boil some water, sometimes with a cinnamon stick. While I wait for it to boil I cut up some ginger root into pieces. Once the water boils I toss the raw ginger (a lot of pieces) into the water and turn off the stove. I let it sit for about six to eight minutes, before I pour it into a mug. I add a teaspoon of honey and sip it. The ginger helps with breaking up the mucus. It's really delicious. Now I think of it more as a treat than a remedy.

My son was sick over the long weekend with stomach pains, vomiting, and diarrhea. Poor thing, he went back to school yesterday but I sent him bland foods. Today I am sending him just a little more. Ginger is also good for digestive problems, so you can be sure he had a few sips of this. Unfortunately he doesn't like it because its spicy, so a few sips is more than an estimate.

I don't update frequently because I don't have internet at home, only on my cellphone but I really dislike typing on this. Since I hadn't updated in a while I thought I'd do it anyway.

Friday, February 6, 2015

run vs cough

I really really feel like going for a run, but I have this horrible cough that doesn't go away. It's has lasted for over two months already. It started off as a simple tickle in throat, then it turned into bronchitis. The doctor gave me antibiotics for it, and told me that it should get better, but to expect the cough to last for six weeks. Six weeks. Ay. This cough has me having terrible coughing fits every time I laugh, sometimes even when I'm talking excitedly. It was getting better but now it seems to be getting sore again. I have this issue I'm working on with Obama Care that is taking too long. As soon as that issue is resolved and I've chosen my plan and all that I will have to go for a follow up. (I haven't because out of pocket is expensive!) If I get worse than I am now then I will have to go to doctor no matter how expensive it gets.
Update: my eye got swollen and red with some drainage. After one day the swelling has gone down, and there is no drainage now. My friend told me it had to do with the sinus and allergy. I was afraid I had pink eye!

Maybe I will try to go for a run in the evening, see how that goes.
Update : I ended up not going for the run. After thinking about it some more I feel it might make my cough worse.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

redefined backpacker- my mug and bottle

It's been a couple of weeks now that I've been carrying my coffee mug and water bottle to work.

It's not the first time I've done this, but I remember why I stopped. Since I commute to work by bus I began to develop constant back, shoulder, and neck pains from carrying a shoulder bag (not just from the mug and bottle but from my lunch). I decided to stop until the soreness subsided and use a backpack instead. However, I felt like a school kid taking my son to school, and I wanted to look like an adult taking care of business. I'm embarrassed to say I stopped for these reasons.

Now, I'm looking at this differently. I'm a backpacker taking care of business: my home. I'm thinking of myself as a person concerned with earth, and I am taking care of it. It's true.

Anyway, did you know that you get discounts for using your own coffee mug? My coffee mug size is about a medium. So I get about fifty cents off at 7 11, which is where I sometimes get my coffees in the morning (if I didn't have time to get it at home) since it's next door to work. So, I'm paying for the coffee not for the cup- that's how I see it.

I use to buy two large water bottles a week so I can have at work. Now, I carry my own. Technically it's my son's (a marvel comics design), but it's too large for him and he is letting me "borrow it" (his words) since he has another small one he takes to school.

Great beginning steps I'd say

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Let's simplify

I'm trying to simplify my life and I think documenting it here would help me tremendously and perhaps having someone, or several people, reading this hold me accountable for this change I want.

Actually, I started this change about two years ago. I started by watching the program Neat. This lady talked a lot about purging. Just purge. You haven't looked in this box for well over two years? Why should you look in it now if you haven't already? You shouldn't. Get rid of it without even peeking inside. You have clothes you haven't worn in well over a year, get rid of it.  You have things that you stored five years ago because you might need it someday. Chances are that if you haven't had a need for it in five years, then you won't be needing it anytime soon, or ever at all.

So, after watching almost an endless amount of episodes I kept seeing my home, and all the clutter and unnecessary things I have. Then I thought I'd have to try purging. I took out bags and bags of things I never thought would fit in such a tiny home. Seeing less clutter and less things was like giving my mind a breath of fresh air. Inhale, sigh.

I can't sit here and type that I never bought anything anymore, because I did. Then what happened? I ended up going through another purge, and another, and another. I ended up getting rid of a lot of things I had just bought because I really did not need it.

So, that is where I started, from there other things pretty much came into place. I am one of those that goes paperless if possible (except for books, I'm sorry but there is something about holding a book and inhaling its scent as you read that I can't let go of. I do purchase used books though). I recycle and reuse- I am concerned about sending things to landfills. I also like to use more natural things for my body, both inside and out.

I have trouble keeping to these things that matter to me though, so this is where this blog comes in. I want it to help me keep things in check. I want to deviate from my goal as less as possible

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Okay, I started another blog but I just now decided to get rid of it. Really, why do I need two blogs? I will use this one like always and simply incorporate what I would have in the other one. I'm use to this blog, I like this blog. I'm keeping this one, so I'll post the other posts in here and delete the other ones. Heads up.

This issue of getting rid of facebook...

So, as you know I did not delete my Facebook account but I just didn't log in. Unfortunately I had to log back in because my dad told me my aunts were trying to add me as a friend and I wasn't adding them. Okay. So, this will be a little difficult.

I don't know my aunts and cousins, I've never met them, and I wouldn't mind getting to know them. I don't know many relatives from my dad's side. Now I decided to check in every couple of weeks. I unfriended people I don't talk to anymore. I unfollowed those that I still talk to but I don't feel I need to know every single thing they are doing. Sometimes seeing what they are doing makes me compare myself to them. I hate that. Okay, so that's that.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Facebook free (9 days)

Since my update on the eleventh I've logged off Facebook. I haven't updated or even checked it. Feels good, what have I done instead? I've been reading two blogs, aside from blogger blogs. One is a blog that gives tips on living minimally, and another is a blog that posts stories, real life stories, life changing stories. I like them.

I have just boarded the airplane and am on my way home. I brought along a book by Fitzgerald, and the pocket in the back of the seat in front of me has a complementary airline magazine with three sudoku puzzles. Easy, medium, difficult.

I can't wait to see my son, missed him lots.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Something needs to change

I feel a need to change something.

I'm stressed at work, and I don't know if that's because my boss is giving us more things to do, or because I just don't know how to handle the extra work. I will say I can be very unorganized, and it takes me a while to adjust to things. I been feeling bummed with work a lot. Too often I feel stressed, and left to handle situations I feel incapable of handling without help. When I do ask my boss for suggestions, feedback, or even just permission for whatever, she beats around the bush. I am left wondering: was that a positive or negative feedback? was that a yes or a no? Then I feel too stupid to ask again. I know I am not the only one with this feeling: a lot of the staff feels the same way: our boss isn't very direct, and they too are left uncertain of her comment/response/suggestion/whatever.

Perhaps it's time to look for another job?
I'm wondering whether I should stay in this field or just simply do something else entirely: whatever pay it will be. Just to refresh my mind? I don't know. I'm just not feeling very happy these days/weeks/months. Something needs to change, but I am uncertain of what that something is. Is it the job? The commute to my job and my son's school? The living space? Is it time spent with my son? time spend for myself?
Am I not happy with what I have? Perhaps unhappy with myself?

I don't know.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


I haven't done much of what I said I wanted to do since my last post.
I haven't been reading and writing more, or spending less time on facebook.
I haven't been cooking, or cutting back on eating out.
I haven't been exercising. I have cut back on television though that might have to do with my going back to work last Monday.

I'm going out of town Thursday night, and my son will be spending a few days at his dads. He doesn't like his dad taking him to school (which he will for two days: Friday morning and Tuesday morning). I think there are two reasons: one is that he fears his dad won't know what time he has to be there, that he will be late, my son is very rigid about that sort of thing (he likes to be there at the same time he always is, not too early, not late. Usually it's when the kids are in line. Even so, he asks me at every single drop off: " Do I go to line or to my classroom?" He gets very nervous about this. He likes to go to line and go into the class when the teacher picks them up, but sometimes we are running late and the teacher is already walking inside the classroom. One time he almost cried because he didn't know where to go, I tell him every single day that if he doesn't know to just go to the line area and if none of his classmates are there anymore then that means they are in class. He won't get lost.); the second reason is because his dad always packs him lunchables, which I know he likes, but I don't think that fills him the way say a peanut butter sandwich, celery, and strawberries will. Those lunchables have five crackers, five small slices of ham and cheese. To substitute veggies and strawberries are a couple of cookies and a fruit drink. His dad won't make him a lunch.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

More, and less

Okay, so I've been thinking of things that I need to do more and less of. These things are a huge factor in how I'm spending my time. I need to prioritize and organize, and I need to truly base it on the way it makes me feel, after thinking about all this; it all has to do with being mentally, and physically healthy.

More: Reading and writing. I love the feeling I get when relating to a character in a good story, whether it'd be fictional or nonfictional. It makes me feel, well not alone. Another plus in this: an increase in my writing skills. I will add reading blogs too, but majority might be books.
Less: Facebook. After reading someone's blog who says he will completely turn off his account, it got me thinking. I feel alone and depressed most of the time and Facebook makes a huge contribution in me having these feelings, and often times it makes it worse. I see what people are doing and that's all. Most are acquaintances, or old kind of long lost friends. I'd much rather read a personal blog and comment there than read a sentence and like (not that I don't do it, cause I do). I do have a few family members in there though.

More: Cooking. This past couple of months I've fallen behind on cooking even simple meals. I need to make sure I get my hands on some cooking books. They must be healthy. Healthy eating is a big thing for me because I want to provide healthy eating habits for my son to carry on into adult hood.
Less: Eating out. I use to take snacks to the park when we'd go, and wouldn't buy unhealthy ones that people would sell there. My son didn't even ask me to buy him the chips or cotton candy. Now? I've fallen back in this and he has gotten into a habit of asking me for something every single time we go. I'll save some money by falling back on eating out.

More: Excising. Whether it'd be through an activity or just plain ol' working out. To me exercising would not be about loosing weight, I know a lot of people think: "Oh you want to loose weight? But you don't need to loose weight". No. To me it's not about loosing weight. I know I don't need to loose weight, and I don't want to loose weight. My goal is to gain some muscle, be strong, have endurance, and not simply be physically healthy but emotionally/mentally healthy. I know physical activities have a lot do to with being emotionally and mentally healthy.  That's what I want.
Less: Television. There was a time when I would go weeks without watching but maybe an hour of television a week, if that. Now I spend all my free time watching television, and not paying attention to my son, or cooking, or reading, or doing anything productive. That has to change. Television is off on weekdays.

Now I need to organize this, maybe plan out the times and make it into a more specific goal.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Okay, new year. I started the year a little depressed I will admit. Without a special someone to kiss when everyone else was kissing was awkward.

I also spent the day watching tv, it was a full on binge. I have terrible, habit? When I do something I tend to binge, I get almost addicted, and it is very hard to stop. It can be anything: tv, books, Facebook, food, coffee. I'm glad I rarely drink, if I were to make it a regular thing, it would be awful. 

I need to stop watching tv. 

I hope everyone has a good year; stress-free, peaceful, and full of self-fulfillment.