Saturday, February 15, 2014

Work has been a little bit stressful for me. Lately.
Last year felt like it started off and went okay, for my first year as a teacher. I know I have a lot to learn, but lately I have such low self esteem. The first five years of a child's life is crucial. The first five years of a person's life is crucial. I feel a lot of pressure, a lot of responsibility. A lot of times I feel like I am doing something wrong, or maybe not doing something I should be doing, or am I doing enough? I know I have a lot to learn; it's only my second year, but I really feel like I know nothing. I compare myself a lot to the other teachers at the school, especially my friend who has been teaching just a year more than I have. I admire them a lot, I have learned a lot through them and I know I will learn more. I feel like they do what they suppose to do and more, in one way or another. Me? I don't know. I know for sure though that I will be hitting my old textbooks soon. Maybe that's all I need.

I keep thinking about the crucial first five.
 I am with two year olds. Their minds are sponges. The way you interact with them and treat them is important. The way you handle their cognitive needs, motor needs, social needs, and especially emotional needs is important. I grew up being shamed and feeling shamed... I fear I have been doing the same to my son and that pains me. A lot, so much so that I want to go into tears. It's not too late though, I just have to be conscious of it and think about how I will handle certain situations with him and stick with it, and I have to stop shaming myself. It is okay to be you. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling... It is more than okay, it is great; it is you. I don't want to do this to my students either and I will be conscious of it as well.

Embrace who you are, embrace what you are, embrace whatever you are feeling. It is okay. Do not feel ashamed of being who you are, of what you are, and what you are feeling... Sigh. This is something I am currently working on, with myself and every child around me.

I feel like saying: Thank you. I don't know to who... but for being able to realize this and being able to say it... now I just have to think it every time I begin to feel shame.

I hope you will do the same.