Thursday, June 24, 2010

Wow, I think this is the longest I've gone without writing in here. I write here at least twice a week. It's been more than a week now!

I haven't been here and I don't mean that I've been busy.. or in a literal sense.

For about two weeks now I seem to be gone, and I'm not sure when I'll be back. I don't even know if I really will be back. Perhaps I've been gone all this time and now I'm feeling the transition of coming back. I don't know. There are things that have become more clear, and there are things that have muddied. There are things that feel that are at the tip of my tongue. I can almost reach it and feel it, but I'm not quite there.

I know this doesn't make any sense to you. You probably have no idea what I mean by this. But, I do. I feel I must write it down and have it archived for later. Why? I'm not sure. There are things you just need to do and can't explain.

That's all I can say about that. I know this seems kind of weird- me not being here. But I'm really not here. I cannot explain it in a way for it to make sense.

Strangely enough I've been having lots and lots of dreams, sometimes three in a single night. I hadn't had frequent dreams in a while. Now, it's at least once a night.

I hope the words will come to me later.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

From a Fly's Perspective

I'm finally done with The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. Sunday I read for five hours nonstop (with the exception of a quick snack and a few trips to the bathroom-I drink a lot of water). I had to take advantage of my son not being here. When I have him I can't read unless he is taking a nap or already asleep, and sometimes even then I can't read cause there are other things I gotta take care of. Anyway, Monday night I was done with the last pages.

After I reached the halfway mark on it, it started reading differently. It seemed to me anyway. Not sure how to describe it but there were far fewer pages where the main character appeared, at least until the end when he would went into the "other world"... I was so fascinated by the book and eager to finish it, I kept reading to find out what happens next, and now that I have I'm sorry it's over.
This is a book that I will definitely read again sometimes in the future. I'm not sure what to say about it, other than I enjoyed it and it was strange, but strange in a good way... it was metafictiony.

Now moving on to something else.

I was on the bus when something came to me. I remembered a couple of things from my entomology class. The only two things I remember from that class. One was about praying mantis, and the other was about flies.
I'll leave the praying mantis for another time.

The fly sees things completely differently than we do. They can see the light the way it really is shining down. Our eyes cannot see the way the light is working but go to the light switch and turn your lights on and off, on and off. We can see this but this is what is happening in reality when the light is on. Our eyes cannot see it, but the flies can. Isn't that interesting. They can see every single motion that goes into a motion. Why do you think it is so hard for many to kill, or squash a fly. Even with a flyswatter it is a little difficult. It is as if they are a step ahead of us. Imagine how one second for us is more than one second for a fly.

I wonder, if we would see things the way a fly sees things (a motion), would we define "time" differently? Is it really time, or is it motion/actions. Things happen because of an act, or a series of motions, that one does. If we did not do that act things would have been differently. One thing will determine what happens next. Time does not determine what happens next. "Only time will tell". Time tells nothing, it is what happens during that "time" that will "tell" what comes next. A series of events, a series of motions. I don't think I am explaining myself well.

We define "time" according to ourselves, as humans- the way we see it. Imagine how differently it would be defined by a fly!

In order for something to decompose certain things happen during that process- it is not time. In order for us to get a job, certain things must be done, because time will certainly not say okay you've done nothing far enough here is a job. No way. So, I guess time is really nothing more but what is used to measure? Measure perhaps motion? Measure certain frames of motion? Measure age? Does time really exist, or is it really just something used to, like I said, measure certain frames of motion? Time is really just there to make some stuff easier for us. Not sure how to explain what I'm trying to say... but I'm sure you've thought about this too.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Job hunting update

So, the interview on Saturday went okay. The director/owner didn't really interview me. She asked questions that had yes or no answers. Are you willing to...? Are you looking for...? Those sort of questions, questions to see if I was okay with what they were "offering" as a job.

She made me fill out nothing, she is somewhat desperate to find someone to help, one of her teachers went on maternity leave and at the end decided not to come back. Now, she has found out that her other four teachers are pregnant as well. How funny is that, like they all decided to get pregnant. Who knows.

Anyway, I got another call back on Monday. I went this morning to the school and found out that it is brand new, so they only have five children. Two of which are the owner's twins.

The lady from Saturday did NOT read my email. Shame on her, still I think I might be a good possibility. She did tell me that she is making a bit of financial suicide and when I told her my salary expectations she seemed a bit relieved? I think the salary is good considering I have no recent experience in this field.

I HOPE the lady from this school read my whole email. She was busy today so I didn't get much chance to speak with her, but I was able to spend the morning with the children and the teacher, till lunch time.

What I am hoping even MORE is (if I get hired) putting my son in this school, since it is brand new there is no waiting list like the other one.

I think I'll be alright... well I'm off for now.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

From Gruesome War Scenes to Sex and Feeling Detached from Yourself (Murakami's Novel)

So, I've read up to about page two-hundred in The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and it is going pretty good. I had began reading this about two or three years ago, but never finished it. Reading it again now I am remembering how I felt reading this novel. I was so entranced, and so fully emerged into the novel that I began to feel very much like the main character of the novel: Toru. I began to do things in a mechanical manner. My mind was not there. I knew what I was doing and my body was there, but I really wasn't there doing what I was doing, if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it was as if my mind was going faster than my brain. My mind was able to grasp things before my brain can actually process it and understand. It was as if I was looking at myself from outside. I was detached from my body but able to do what I had to do, without really doing it. Like if I was a main character of a boring novel, but I was also the narrator. I was able to see my thoughts before me (my body/brain) really be able to understand. I can't make too much sense of it now, but it made complete sense when I thought of it then.

The novel has some gruesome war scenes. Horrible ones. If you think a movie can be gruesome, you are wrong. I think the written ones are more gruesome because we can see it in our minds detail by detail as it is being described- there is not much omission (at least not from this author- Murakami). In this novel you can see the most smallest detail- a grain of sand even- and that is what makes it even more gruesome. Movies tend to cut out some stuff, and others give you a more general scene where they let the audience "get the picture" without really getting the picture.

The novel begins with Toru making spaghetti for breakfast, and receiving a phone call from a lady he cannot recall ever meeting but who says that she knows him, and who says that ten minutes is all they need to "understand each other" (or have phone sex). There is a thread of sex looming over Toru's thoughts through the novel (what I have read so far), and he keeps encountering this subject frequently.

With the gruesome scenes, the sex, and the boring main character, the novel so far is very intriguing. Everything that happens in the novel is happening around the main character without it happening directly to him. All the stories that we hear are about some other characters in the novel- characters we meet only briefly and characters whom we never met but know about because they are mentioned. Toru just happens to know and hear about the characters and the stories at the same time that we-the readers- find out.

It is a very strange book, and I am liking it so far. =)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

People Watching

There was nothing special about today, nothing that stood out. I don't have a car, so wherever I go, I go by feet, bus, and rail (if I had a bicycle I'd go by that too). Which actually is not that bad. I enjoy having time to myself. I enjoy using that time to read, or to people watch.

Because it's a Thursday, my son was gone, and I had nothing better to do than to go to Pasadena. I went on the rail to check out where my interview is going to be on Saturday. I don't want to get lost after all. It took about thirty minutes to get there on the rail, and then I had to go for a fifteen minute walk. Not too bad, it was just too damn hot. I hate hot weather. Anyway, I enjoyed that walk-despite the hot sun burning some color into my exposed skin.

I noticed something: everybody was walking with someone, whether it'd be literally walking with someone or be on the phone with someone. There was not one single person walking alone, or just taking a walk for the sake of taking a walk, or taking a walk to be alone with your thoughts.

I walked through Colorado Blvd. passed by the shops with the huge glass windows, and glanced inside quickly. Obviously the sales people inside the clothing shops are not allowed to be on their cell phones. I wonder how they feel when the shops are empty, and they are done organizing and doing everything else, and they have nothing to do. Do they sneak a phone call? Do they take that opportunity to chat with their fellow workers? What do they think about? Do they think about what they're going to do after work? Do they think about who they are going to call after work? I wonder how comfortable some people feel being alone with their thoughts. I know there are some people who do not feel comfortable at all, and you can tell who those people are by how fidgety and restless they get when they are not texting or talking on the phone. Often times I see people with their cell phone practically attached to their ear as their hands are occupied with monotonous, and mechanical hand movements required to closing a store (can you imagine one of them forgetting to put the lock).

I crossed a street and a man who was just done talking on his cell phone crossed from the other side. He saw me, I saw him and was about to give him a hello-smile when he quickly turned his eyes somewhere else, unsure of where to look he brought the cell phone up to his face.

People seem to want to avoid contact with strangers. I am not necessarily one of them, I don't mind people talking to me, I enjoy listening. What I mind is people asking me questions because I never know the answer to their questions, or better yet I don't know how to phrase the answers in a way to leave them satisfied. Most are never satisfied with my answers, they give me an unsure "oh". Perhaps it is just me who doesn't know how to talk to people... I know one thing: I am fairly able to express myself, my thoughts and my feelings, through writing. =)

Okay, it is time to read!